30 Day Song Challenge Day 28 What's Guilt? No choices made

Today is the hardest one in the list. Again I knew it was coming and again I have no idea what to use. In fact I'm not going to be putting a song up. Different to guilty pleasures (like chocolate) it is mean to be a song that makes me feel guilty. I don't feel guilty when any song plays and I have none that trigger a case of guilts....

Wonder if that's in part due to the fact I live my life eternally feeling guilt (mother's guilt, creative guilt...you know, those "I should be doing something about this/that/whatever" sensation and you're not doing it).

I searched around the interwebz to find songs about guilt - since that was the closest I was going to get but even then I was quite meh over the exercise.

Tomorrow is going to amusing as hell (well, in my brain it is).

Blogging & online life

Developing a blog is an interesting experience. I’ve enjoyed online life for over ten years and yet it’s only a little over a year since I decided to start blogging.

I can remember posting until the wee hours of the morning many nights for years on message boards discussing Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and when they started Angel and Firefly. Yes, I’m a Joss Whedon fan. It took those shows for me to explore the whole world of forums, message boards and the online world in general. Have made some awesome friends from the experiences. In fact it was on a dare to write something for an online friend who noticed way before me that perhaps I was a storyteller. I told her I’d last 6 sentences. Instead I was looking for an ending 16,000 words and original characters later. I was wrong and bam the beginning of my passion for writing flared brighter than a bonfire.

Yet, blogging is something I am only beginning to embrace and I’ve been trying to understand why it is one of the last aspects of the internet I’ve utilised. Driving home after visiting a friend (yes, visiting people in real life is still something  people do even with the digital avalanche) I understand what it is. Interactivity. With message boards, Yahoo messenger, MSN, ICQ, Facebook, Twitter, emails, MySpace etc the level of interactivity is much higher and direct. Not surprising how social networking has taken off. It’s quick and immediate. Message boards can be busy and quiet, with notes being followed at the reader’s request.

Blogging feels personal. Private. I write a journal and have done so ever since I can remember (the fact I didn’t tie this to any side of my once-repressed writer is another matter). I find blogging a little like journaling and working out what I want to ‘put out there’ and what is going to stay private has been a new juggling act.

I’ve had these thoughts about facebook and twitter too. I watch and follow some very successful writers, actors and musicians and wonder how they feel juggling the private and the public. Once it’s out in the interwebs it’s there. Doesn’t matter if you take it down, somewhere out there your words are recorded. 

Twitter is being catalogued in Library of Congress, which amuses me no end. Imagine it, a millennium from now, someone reading the archival material (assuming they retain the technology to read said material) and wondering why it was kept. As a classics student, years ago (and even today) I wish I had access to the general day-day chatter, styles and mores of an era. Cicero is wonderful to learn Latin, but really he can be very dry. Assumptions about the why behind reasons create much scholarly debate. Will that be our culture in a thousand years?

Winter Hibernation

*blows dust off the blog*

So, the monthly blogging fell by the wayside. Life happens. Teaching is tiring. It can also be a wonderful experience filled with lots of good moments but for me, it is draining to the point of exhaustion. I’ve always known this but never really understood why. My other half pointed out something that I’ve known, but never truly thought through to the logical ending. I’m partially deaf. Always have been. Since birth (though not picked up until kindergarten where it was thought I may be a) have an attitude problem or b) be deaf. No doctor has ever worked out why. The best I managed to find was an explanation when working at the university and talking to a PhD student developing hearing aid technology. His explanation gave me an understanding of why when I’m tired you could be speaking Icelandic to me and I’d understand you just as well as if you were speaking English. How does this tie into teaching? Well, teachers need to listen. As in hearing listen not that “Active Listening” stuff you are taught to do to show understanding and getting along better with fellow humanity. So, teaching for six hours a day = six hours of concerted effort in the act of listening. No wonder I am exhausted on those days to the point of wanting to sleep about half-an-hour after I’m home.

It also meant, the longer the teaching went on, the more exhausted I became. Which meant life moved to prioritising Must Do/Essential Life Stuff. I wish I could say I kept writing a lot. Over the duration of the contract I managed around 5,000 words. Sounds like a lot until the context of 5,000 would be about ten days worth of work usually.

I’m still recovering. I knew July was going to be “downtime” month when I agreed to the gig (which by the way didn’t end until the end of June). I need to rebuild my energy up for “conference season”. 

In three weeks time I’ll be at the annual RWA Australia conference. Really looking forward to it. Love meeting and talking writing. Dressing up – both in costume and for the gala night. Good times. Then a fortnight after that I’m dropping into Aussiecon4, the annual science fiction world convention. The original plan was for myself, the other half and the teen to all attend the entire con. However, it is not a good time in the school calendar (especially for a teenager reaching the pointy end of schooling & doing subjects at advanced speed).So, instead, the other half is going for the entire duration, the teen is staying home and I’ll go down on the Friday evening (once The Teen is at his father’s) and come home Sunday night.

As I said at the beginning, Life Happens.